The ups and the downs is what makes us who we are...

I kind of wanna write something here to get some things out of my system but it's kind of hard 'cause I can't just write anything. I need to chose carefully what I do and don't tell you... 'Casue some things are private and some things I just can't put into words.

I guess pretty much this entire year has been about questioning the things I believe in and stand for, things that have been obvious... well, just everything has been reevaluated. And I guess a lot of it is because I've grown up in a christian home and gone to church all my life and never tried anything else. I've never had a before and an after, never experienced that life changing decision of saying yes to Jesus... It's just always been there and I've never really questioned it until this year. And it has not been an easy year, I can tell you that... But at the same time it's been amazing! I've learned so much about myself and God, I've applied to a music/worship DTS in NZ and will be going there in just a few weeks and I've learned that it's ok to doubht, that it doesn't mean you don't believe or that you're not allowed to spend time with God during the hard times. I've experienced God in so many new ways and I've felt His love in ways that I never thought I'd be able to! But there has been lots of pain too, lots of it... Pain I never thought I would feel... So now I'm getting ready to go to YWAM Pursuits and spend five months with God, clearing things out. And it's gonna hurt, it's gonna be so hard and I'm gonna cry more than ever - I have no doubhts about that - BUT IT'S GONNA BE WORTH IT!

Over and out...


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